Have you ever tried to turn your bananas in to something that resembled bacon and failed? I stumbled on the secret for success by accident tonight.

In Kaua’i, bananas are different. Most people here seem to grow all kinds of crazy fruit in their backyard, and these apple bananas are no different. They are stubby little bananas, that have a nice tang and floral flavor. I’ve taken a picture here with a standard sized bic lighter as a scale reference:

There was quite a plethora of apple bananas at the house that I’m staying, so I thought making BANANA JERKY would be a nice way to preserve them.

  • First I sliced them length-wise in fourths.
  • Then I placed them on a baking tray.
  • I put them in the oven that I had set at 275 F.
  • Every half hour or so, I cracked the oven open to vent out the moisture.
  • About 2-3 hours later, you have banana jerky.

The bananas are not crispy here. They are CHEWY!! It’s also cool how they turn a little bit red when they are cooked. I cook-dried them out in the oven until the shrank. They STICK to the pan though!! To bake them on, I wished I had a SIL-PAT handy, or some parchment or wax paper!! I pried them up with a pointy off-set metal spatula.

They don’t really look like bacon here on this plate, but if you hold a piece underneath some direct light, it’s quite an illusion how much it looks like bacon!

What a winty little place this is. Kandi Everett (who I had just met 2 days ago, and who is amazing) and I went to Jo-jo’s Shave Ice after an afternoon of staring out at the Kalalau valley at Koke State Park and taking in the views at Waimea Canyon.

What is really fun about Jo-jo’s is that there is an option to put ice cream UNDERNEATH your shaved ice! You know how the problem with shaved ice is how it might get boring to eat after a while? Putting ice cream underneath solves this problem. And you know how sometimes ice cream might be too rich to eat a lot of, watering it down with some shaved ice really helps. This was a perfect little dessert.

I got the “Picknick special” which was watermelon and lemonade shaved ice over macadamia nut ice cream.

Kandi’s was way better. Hers had coconut syrup and coconut cream shaved ice over macademia nut ice cream, with shredded coconut on top. You would think that this might be too overwhelming with coconut flavors, but I learned in this scenario, that there can never really be too much coconut. This shave ice cup was rich, refreshing, and awesome.

Here is Kandi and me! After an afternoon of looking at some EPIC landscapes, this was the perfect way to cap it off.

Two reasons why I love Kaua’i convenient stores.

Reason #1. Little wing-filled trays of food. They have exactly what I want to eat, in the exact amount, and was on sale for only $1.79. Three chicken wings with 2 pieces of sushi, which had mahi tuna, cucumbers and salted plums.

This second tray is a little more trashed out, with 4 chicken wings, 1 tater log and 3 waffle fries. This one was $4.

Reason #2. Tall boys of coca cola. Seriously, this was a dream come true for me. Nothing like drinking that much coke out of a tall metal can. Here I am enjoying a tall one beside the Waimea canyon.

Do you guys remember Sean Biloski, our special guest star who crashed thru the Food Party kitchen, and also my heart? (Season 2, episode 203: “Thu Strikes it Rich”, episodes 219-220 “Thu and Bu”)

Besides being an amazing actor and model, he is also the co-owner of an amazing new hummus restaurant in Bushwick, Brooklyn, along with Jay and Elissa Ehlin, our enameling friends at KILN enamel. These are the coolest, nicest people ever.

If you live in Brooklyn, especially in the Bushwick area, definitely check out Yummus Hummus at 55 Waterbury Street.

Danny B and I went there for dinner, and both got the “Baked Bulb” hummus, which is hummus with a whole roasted garlic clove on top. I ate the entire bulb so fast. It really ruled to eat that much garlic all at once. I also got the “Reta” salad on the side, which is roasted red pepper salad with feta and capers. It was delightful.

Excuse these crude photos, I only remembered to after we had massacred our meal.

I really mangled this garlic bulb!! You will too!! I recommend this place whole heartedly.

Look at this, it’s real. And it’s got a mild wasabi kick to it and I guess a soy sauce flavor. Matt Fitzpatrick suggested these be might as well be called “Ching ching” chips, and I would concur!!!

Btw I got these at the bodega around the corner from the film forum.

I recently took a vacation to Los Angeles, California to visit the one and only Alison O’Daniel. During my trip I visited many taco joints, danced at a Japanese piano bar with the Zunkley brothers, got naked with Korean ladies at a spa and got a sound bath at The Integratron in Joshua Tree. It was a wonderful trip and my experience at Joshua Tree was rounded out with a visit to Pappy and Harriet’s Pioneertown Palace, the only cool and “hip” restaurant/bar in Joshua Tree, or so I hear. And apparently, as their website boasts, the best honky tonk west of the Mississippi!

The vibe of this place was pretty chill country western meets family chain but nowhere near as cheesy as Friday’s or something. They have stuff hanging everywhere but it’s all got that metal-hesher-country feel to it so it works.

And the food is awesome!

Here are some shots of the restaurant:

The restaurant exterior. Seeing this car here was a good sign.

Pool room when you walk in. Nice.

The bar.

A cool area of the restaurant with bottles inside the walls.

The BBQ pit area in the back.

Some of the cool things on the walls.

So we were there on a Sunday evening and they have live music. We were served chips and salsa, which was rather incredible, while we waited for our food. I was surprised considering this place seems more like BBQ to me. Or rather, you’d be crazy NOT to get BBQ here. They did have some southwest tex-mex shit on the menu though.

We got two orders of ribs, a burger and the grilled chicken (mine, now that I am eating chicken again).

Here is Alison enjoying her burger.

Here is my half grilled chicken with mashed potatoes and broccoli. The mashed potatoes and gravy were INCREDIBLE!!!!! The chicken was juicy and shit, even the broccoli was amazing. It was lemony and buttery and SO GREEN and fresh you forgot about how much meat you’d been eating lately.

An overhead view of our feast.

So the food was really good. The ribs were pretty right on. They give you way too much food, but most restaurants do these days anyways. After we ate we enjoyed some live music and their awesome outdoor patio/sand-trap.

This is the stage. There was good sound too.

The girls enjoying beers in the outdoor patio area.

All in all, if you find yourself in Joshua Tree definitely hit up Pappy and Harriet’s. What a wonderful way to spend the evening. And, if it gets dark you can see all the stars in the universe from their front yard!

Lisa liked it too!

On a recent trip to Wisconsin, Shawn and I stopped at The Mars Cheese Castle.

Get it?  It is everything you think it is, a castle shaped building with an outlandish assortment of cheese and varying degrees of snackage for you to smell, taste, and then eventually purchase. I am still on a fish only kick these days, so the sausage was off the table so to speak. And when I bit into the wildest freshest ( possibly haunted) cheese curd i have ever eaten, and it squeaked against my teeth, I decided on buying some fun sodas instead. And here’s what I bought…

Meet “Dang! That’s Good”  Butterscotch Root Beer.

Dang! is a part of a line of sodas from Imperial Flavors of Wisconsin, including energy drink and diet versions of Rootbeer and this simple but tasty looking little twist, Butterscotch. The marketing is simple, it’s dang good. Just like the name says.

But to be honest, I spent the whole weekend eating all type of vacation-y shit, but never drank that soda. There is nothing wrong with it. I just never got around to opening it. until now.

I have recorded my first sip for you to enjoy.

See.

Today  on a never ending email chain that many Food Party blog contributors are on, there was a short but brief discussion about fast food chicken products, thanks in part to this lady.

This eventually led to me posting this internet (is this racist?) classic:

Followed by this wonder from South Korea:

I would post some of the videos from the times Popeyes and KFC were giving away fried chicken but ran out of chicken and people freaked out and ended up on the news, but then I would be here all day. I’ll end it with the following two things.

The first is a Pulp Fiction line I paraphrase from time to time. It’s from when Tim Roth and Samuel L. Jackson are talking about whatever in the diner at the end:
“Normally, both your asses would be dead as fucking fried chicken, but you happen to pull this shit while I’m in a transitional period so I don’t wanna kill you, I wanna help you. But I can’t give you this case, it don’t belong to me. Besides, I’ve already been through too much shit this morning over this case to hand it over to your dumb ass. “

And of course, Delonte’s classic KFC freestyle:

Peace and chicken grease.


I can barely make out the text, but I think that is cheese stuffed/covered hotdogs in a bath or creamed corn and mustard.

Madmen seems to be pretty popular these days and people are having viewing parties where they dress the part, drink the drinks, and pretend like it’s the 50′s. I don’t watch the show (yeah I know) but I do like to pretend like I’m from the 50′s, except in my world I’m a time traveller from the 1980′s. I digress.
I recently stumbled upon Retrospace, a pretty amazing site chronicling all sorts of stuff from times past. Considering my weird interest/obsession with f’ed up junk food, i went directly to the Gastro-Abominations section and perused the images. I guess to go full circle, is anybody having Madmen viewing parties where they are serving some of this gnarly cuisine? And if so, can I come?
Asides from the image up top, here are some more of my favorites:


I guess this is meat wrapped around celery covered in some sort of cheese?


This really isn’t that crazy, I just think it’s a cool ad and concept.

And this image which won’t show up for whatever reason. I can imagine some executive being like “Well have YOU tried it? That’s what I thought so JUST DO IT.”

The whole site seems to be full of treasures, and I’ve just barely cracked the surface. Here’s another one of my favorites, this one from the Retro Ads section.
Despite my appearance and tendencies, I was never a fan of Dungeons and Dragons. Believe it or not.

Anything on the site make you smile?

I don’t really eat out that much, but I was on the internet today reading about hot dogs, and was interested in Crif Dogs for their deep-fried hot dog style. And then upon rereading some of the old blogs on this food party blog, I remembered that one of our favorite bloggers, Doan Buu, had mentioned preferring this place over another hot dog place that he reviewed.

Walking down St. Marks, I never really crave a hot dog, but today, Danny B and I were debating over what to eat for dinner. He was into eating some hummus, but then would not stop talking about hot dogs, and then I said, “Well I’d rather eat Hot Dogs than Hummus!” So we went to Crif Dogs!

We walked in on an early Friday evening, and the place was half empty, double dragon and donkey kong arcade games in the front, old skate videos playing on TV with little kids skating, cute trucker-hatted blond lady manning the counter with pigtail braids, dim lighting, and mainly yuppie couples having quiet little dinners. Danny B and I ordered; he got the “Spicy Redneck” (chili, cheese, jalapenos, coleslaw, hotdog is wrapped in bacon) with a plain dog, and I got the “Chihuahua” with jalapenos. (“chihuahua” has sour cream, avocado, hotdog is wrapped in bacon).

"chihuahua." I was really worried it wasn't going to be spicy, so I added jalapenos. Thank god.

"spicy redneck" and a plain dog; Danny B anticipated the toppings being overloaded enough to spread on another hotdog. He was right.

This was the "small" order of tater tots. They came out piping hot.

Is this picture upside down? I don't care.

The deep-fried aspect of this hot dog was awesome. Nice dry snap on the outside, juicy on the inside. Loved it. The toppings we got felt totally L.A. oki-dog/danger dog style, which are my favorite hot dogs anyway. Danny B and I enjoyed this place a lot, and all in all, this place gets two swift farts from us.

Oh! I forgot to mention there was this totally spooky phone booth in the restaurant that people kept going into and then disappearing. Later I found out it’s a speakeasy.

Anyway, I always think it’s a little weird to out of your way for a hot dog, and if you’re on St. Mark’s and crave a hot dog, this place does rule. If you’re in Greenpoint though, I hear the new 7-eleven that just opened up on Manhattan Ave serves a very good JUMBO DOG!! (Dana Strasser testifies requiring 4 hands and 20 napkins!!)

This is actually a cheeseburger, not a hot dog, but this sums it all up. (Apparently, it's also the awesome album art for a Greenpoint band named "Cheeseburger.")

Hey it’s been corn season! Have you been taking advantage? I hope so! I would like to share 2 summery corn dishes here that are very genuinely delishes (delicious)!

First off is this dill corn clam soup. Jed and I made this soup together. Earlier that day, I got some fresh corn and 2 dozen clams from from the farmer’s market. You start off this soup by making a corn stock.

Scrape the kernels off about 3 ears of corn, and then reserve the cobs. Saute some onions and garlic in butter and olive oil. Throw the cobs in there too! Let this get soft. Then splash some good white wine in there. We used this CHATEAU DIANA, WHICH IS ACTUALLY A REALLY BAD WINE. WE ARE SO LUCKY IT DIDN’T RUIN OUR SOUP. WHEN JED DRANK SOME, IT WAS LIKE LIQUID GYM SOCKS. I THINK THIS CAN BE FOUND AT THE GAS STATIONS NEAR BARD COLLEGE, DON’T WASTE YOUR MONEY!!!

After that cooks down a little, add some water, maybe about 3 cups. After that comes up to a boil, let that simmer for maybe half an hour or more. Then take out your cobs and throw in your kernels. Let that cook, and right before you’re ready to serve, throw in your clams so that they cook and some FRESH DILL FLOWERS!!

This shouldn’t take long. If you have fresh clams, just close the pot lid and cook the clams just so they open. The dill flowers, we just pulled off the flowers. The stems are a little tough, so don’t use that, unless you like to chew wood.

I didn’t take a picture of the final soup because we ate it all pretty quickly, so I photoshopped an image of what it might have looked like:

THIS WAS SERIOUSLY SO GOOD. PLEASE TRY IT SOMETIME.

I still had some corn left so later that week, I made a corn salad on a salad. I like to grill corn directly on the stove burner:

I scraped the kernels off the cobs afterwards and tossed it with:

  • halved grape tomatoes
  • fresh chopped dill
  • fresh chopped chives
  • some chopped onions
  • mozzarella cheese chunks
  • olive oil
  • lemon juice
  • black pepper
  • paprika

This is what it looked like:

I’m typically totally fine with eating a whole bowl of corn like this, but I was serving it as a meal to my boyfriend and some friends, so I served it on a bed of arugula and cucumbers:

I got a lot of kudos, and it was cool. This was a very yummy salad. I would remake this as well!

Corn is awesome.

Hi guys! I’ve been trying to lay off the meat group a little bit, and after a long day of shooting vegetable and animal still lives with Josef Kraska, I had a lot of vegetables leftover!! Quite frankly it stressed me out a little bit thinking about what to do with all these leftover veggies. How do I cram as much arbitrary vegetables as possible into one dish? I thought to myself… oh, okay, I guess I can make a vegetable pizza. Luckily me endless summer schedule has allotted me the time to make everything from scratch.

I started out with a spinach dough. I melted a packet of yeast in some warm water with some honey. It started looking pretty fizzy after about 5 minutes or so. Sorry for the arbitrary measurements. While the yeast was activating, I cooked a whole bag of spinach down in a little olive oil, and then pureed it with a hand blender. It looked like a green dump! I added that to the activated yeast!

Here is the dough recipe:

  • one packet yeast
  • 2 tb honey
  • 1/3 cup warm water
  • one bag fresh spinach, wilted, pureed
  • 2 1/4 cups of flour
  • 3/4 cup cornmeal
  • 1/2 tsp salt

Okay, I guess where at the part where you add the flour, cornmeal and the salt. I added the cornmeal there to give it some more crunch texture. It works well!!! Mix that all together with your hands and let the dough sit for a few hours, until it’s at least doubled/tripled in size.

SAUCE

Meanwhile, I made a very rich sauce for the pizza. I sauteed some onions and garlic in butter and garlic. After that got soft, I added 2 diced tomatoes. I also had a bunch of kale. The kale was unfortunately covered in poly-fil from the photoshoot, so I tried to labor-intensely wash and pick out all the fuzz. Imagine your bathrug covered in pubes, this was what this process was like.

I did my best until I said fuck it who cares, and chopped up the kale and put it in the pot with the rest of the crap. I then poured it a generous amount of balsamic vinegar, and let that reduce down. I also had some leftover syrupy PLUM PUREE from making popsicles, so I dumped that into the sauce as well! This might have been the magic ingredient here. I let all this cook down until most of the liquid was evaporated, but the vegetables were still soft and wet.

TOPPINGS

I had some mini eggplants, so I sliced them up into coins, and then I made my boyfriend go get some cheese, which was the only thing I had to go out and get. He returned with a cube of fresh Polly-O mozzarella, and I cut it up into some chunks.

I also had some leftover romano cheesse, which I grated.

ASSEMBLING AND BAKING

So the dough got nice and poofy, so I kneaded like 3 times, and stretched it out into an oiled sheet tray. Then I put on the sauce, then the eggplant, then the mozz, then the romano, then I ground some black pepper on top.

I baked it in a preheated oven at 400 F for 20 minutes. My oven runs a little hot, but ideally you want the oven in the 420 range of temperature.

It came out perfect!

And in one fell swoop, I got rid of the almost rotting spinach, kale, tomatoes, onion, garlic, eggplant, and plums. The kale was a surprisingly awesome element to the pizza, the sweetness from the plum puree syrup and the vinegar and the onions, really set off that kale in a stellar way. Who knew this vegetarian pizza would be so satisfying? Might be the best I ever had!

So I impulsively bought some popsicle molds the other day. I had all this fruit in the fridge and on the shelves and in the freezer that I knew I was never going to eat, and I had already eaten pie 2 days in a row, and quite frankly, watching all this fruit just lay around was really stressing me out.

I had some bananas, some frozen blueberries, and a tray of strawberries. I was like, oh duh, I’ll just make these popsicles.

First I pureed the fruit with a hand blender. I drizzled a little sweetened condensed milk in with all the fruit.

For fun, I added some bee pollen in with the banana mix.

Is bee pollen good even for you? I wondered briefly.

This website says NO. If you have allergies, you can die, and if you’re trying to cure yourself from diseases, maybe try taking some medicine, instead of messing with this hippy shit.

This website says YES. The benefits being weight-loss, prostate care, PMS relief, better sex life, the list really goes on…

Who cares really, it’s really weird and tastes magical, and that’s good enough for me.

So, after everything was pureed, I loaded the popsicle molds and put them in the freezer.

And there they sat overnight.

This morning when I woke up, all I could think about was, oh boy! Time to eat a popsicle! I ran one of them under warm water…

And then I popped it out and ate the shit out of it!!

It was SO GOOD!! Especially because of the real fruit aspect of it. And the sweetened condensed milk flavor really saved it from being a boring fruit pop.

So after I finished my popsicle and washed out the mold, I looked back in the freezer and looked at the lonely spot where the popsicle I ate once was. I felt terrible for it for some reason, so I immediately filled the mold back up with something, anything that I could find, you know.

This Vitaminka juice is my jam!! Any variety! This kind is carrot, banana, and apple flavor. I filled up the popsicle mold with it and stuck it back in the freezer. After it froze I ate it. This is a good popsicle too! (Albeit, much healthier tasting.) Summer just got a lot more WINTY.

I’ll be the first to admit that I am a pretty timid baker. I’m terrible at measuring things, I don’t like to measure, I don’t have the patience to wait for things to rise, I mix things poorly, I set timers and forget about them, etc… But boy oh boy, do I love to eat pie!!

And then, Peter Van Hyning opened up my eyes to the world of ready made pie crusts. I’ve been using this kind:

Much to my happiness, all I had to do was:

  • preheat the oven (I set mine at 400 because it runs a little hot, but I think the instructions call for 450)
  • unroll one of these bad boys onto a pie tin
  • load it up with some fruit (I used RHUBARB for this pie)
  • sprinkle some sugar and flour on top
  • unroll the second pie crust on top
  • cut out a funny face:

  • And then I baked it for 30-45 minutes.
  • BOOM, you have a hot pie.

I ate the crap out of it!! And it was so good!

I made another pie yesterday with strawberries and bananas, and that also ruled. If I make enough of these pies, maybe one day I’ll stop being a pussy and make my own pie crust.

Whilst gathering snacks for my bike ride to the beach I came across this witchy bag of chips and could not pass them up!

This company called ZAPP’s from Louisiana seems pretty sweet. Check out their silly website: http://www.potatochips.com/

The explanation for the flavor is on the back of the bag. They claim an employee spilled all the flavor dust together, took a taste and voila! VOODOO! I’d like to think that the chips contain some secret witchy power. The flavor of these chips is SALT ‘n VINEGAR meets BBQ. It’s rather satisfying. Pretty sweet and sour. Also, I am pleased that ZAPP’s neither uses any really strange ingredients nor MSG! Plus, their phone number is 1-800-HOT-CHIP!!!

Survey says: BUY THESE CHIPS!

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eating…

  • picking at this bbq black bean veggie burger in the fridge for past 2 nights. i just can't commit to eating it 2 days ago
  • do you like our puppets? are you hanging out in Williamsburg on Saturday Sept. 4??? Come buy dolls at the Aritsts... http://fb.me/GbcH0Cys 2 days ago
  • Feeling like hansel and gretel in the woods as I follow a path of scattered flaming hot cheetohs 4 days ago