You are currently browsing the monthly archive for February 2009.
Yesterday, I went to the Rite Aid to because I needed deodorant, but large colorful displays of candy bargains were extremely distracting! All the heart shape boxes of Valentine’s candy was at 50-75 percent off! I looked through the displays and was thoroughly bored at the selection — russell stover’s chocolates, whitman’s samplers, spongebob marshmallow suckers, etc… crumbs and flakes of chocolate and dirt lined the tray all the candy sat in.
My appetite now whet for candy, I wandered into the Easter candy aisle!! How new and exciting! I know this must be some sort of drug store trick where they display the cheap and old shitty candy on sale at the front of the store, and then the awesome new candy in the aisle right behind it, but I don’t care, it totally works, and I was fiending for a sugar fix, and I didn’t care why.
Easter candy is my favorite holiday candy–hollow chocolate crucifixes and white chocolate lambs aside, I mean, just walk down any Easter candy aisle and take it all in, how do you feel? I pretty much base my entire artistic color pallette on it. Oh yeah and all the egg shaped things, marshmallow things, jelly beanzz, beautiful plastic gift basket arrangements wrapped in celophane and ribbons. This holiday is about a dude who raises from the dead, the only other time this happens is with zombies; it is so dark and heavy — but look at its candy! It rulez!
Okay, after drooling down this seasonal aisle I stumbled upon this:
My reaction was “what.” This is edible Easter grass. It’s slogan which you can’t see on the bottom says “It’s Grass-tastic!” This looked very exciting to me, it had a real “big league chew” vibe to it. The bag, however, felt like it was filled with dry shredded paper. I didn’t care, it was a dollar.
Once I got home, I immediately opened it and ate some, and I was totally horrified and disappointed. It tasted like a shitty cross between communion wafers and strawberry Frankenberry cereal. It tasted bland. Very bland. Like paper. And totally fucked. Then I finally read the back of the bag:
Aspartame! Grosss! And look!! There is NO real sugar in this AT ALL!!!! This is like DIET Easter Grass!! It made me think, is there no rule in Germany about labeling things “DIET” if there is no real sugar in it?
Oh well, at least I also got these Whoppers mini Robin’s Eggs as well which satiated my candy fix. It also allowed me to create this very appropriate tableau!
Ha!!! Love, Thu
+
+
=
I’m sure somebody somewhere has made a sandwich out of graham crackers, peanut butter, and vanilla ice cream at some point in time, but this was a “eureka” moment for me. So good that i immediately made another one as soon as I was done with the first.
In trying to give it a clever name that harkens back to its forefather the S’more, i have dubbed this boredom snack the S’Mo Williams, in honor of the All Star Cleveland Cavaliers point guard.
Go Cavs, and go snack.
What is “chipmeal” you might ask yourself? It is something very special. Lately, my boyfriend and I have been very into eating at a little Mexican place in Greenpoint called PAPACITO’S! I love their anjito pork chimichanga burrito and their chorizo tostadas and Danny B only orders one thing at this place : NACHOS. The great thing about the nachos at this place is, along with being topped with a wide array of fresh vegitalia and a good homemade salsa, the cheese on it is NACHO cheese, (the kind the comes from a can and stays a perfect velvety liquid forever), and a good amount of it as well. This cheese normally comes in cans like this:
There are various reasons why making nachos with this sort of cheese is superior to using fresh shredded jack/cheddar/whatever cheese. One main reason why shredded cheese SUX is that it tends to “glue” the chips together after the nachos are not warm anymore creating one big clumpy mess. How annoying. The AWESOME thing about nacho cheese sauce is, after awhile, the chips get soggy in a very beautiful and amazing way. Letover nachos start to become more and more analogous and homogenized, as some sort of chemical reaction occurs with the cheese sauce and the tortilla chips, creating a whole new food that I like to call “CHIPMEAL”. It’s like oatmeal, except nacho flavored.
Which leads me to “Prison Eggs,” one of the few dishes that Danny B actually cooks. It’s called “prison eggs” because it looks like caricatured version of what prison food might looks like. A more pretentious name for it might be “Aged Mexican and Egg Risotto, with Nacho Béchamel.” Looks and sounds very appetizing right?
Basically, it is leftover Mexican food medley, (in this case it is a combo of Danny B’s leftover nachos and my leftover soyrizo rice and beans), fried with eggs. Once the eggs enter your frying pan, you are to STIR almost the entire time until the eggs are cooked. Danny B really likes to stir the shit out of things “to make sure it gets cooked all the way.” The eggs get super mushy in the rice creating a lovely sludge texture. Here I am enjoying my meal. It was really great actually! Thank you!
Love, Thu
A few weeks after my birthday, a couple of my friends came into town, Scotty and Derrick (AKA Mullet Chad, AKA Mungee, AKA Derrick witch, AKA Nu Metal Craig). They are in a really great metal band called SKELETONWITCH; Derrick plays drums, and Scotty plays guitar. They also brought their friend Andrew with them, who owns a super awesome record store in Athens Ohio called, Haffas. Of course they didn’t come all the way to Chicago just to see me; they had a busy schedule of friends and events lined up around the block. The first big ticket item on their list was seeing CRADLE OF FILTH on Friday night. The next morning I had an unexpected (but not unwanted) day off, so I caught up with them at Scotty’s sister Stacy and our pal Moustache Derrick’s place around 11. I was just in time to see them shake off their hangovers and hitch a ride with them to Kuma’s Corner. As with many of Chicago’s institutions I had NEVER heard of it. It’s a pretty unassuming place at first glance; some wood paneling and some tee shirts, some ink drawings of leather-clad-blood-soaked-biker-chicks, the menu written on a chalk board above the grill. One look at the menu though and the truth is revealed. Kuma’s has all kinds of standard bar stuff: sandwiches and fries, some ribs an obligatory salad, etc. BUT the real excitement is their Metal themed burgers. There’s the MOTORHEAD, THE LAIR OF THE MINOTAUR, the CLUTCH (which has almost nothing but cheese on it) and the JUDAS PREIST (which has walnuts, blue cheese, cranberries etc… and is the GAYEST item on the menu while still being a burger).They even had a monthly special called the “Bleepin’ Blago-wich” which is: a burger topped with American cheese, yellow mustard, fried baloney and served on two grilled cheese sandwiches made with wonder bread (the price was negotiable).
I opted for the SLAYER, which is: a ½ pound burger served on a bed of fries, topped with chili, andouille sausage, jalapenos, cherry peppers, mozzarella cheese, and anger.
Did I finish it? Yes. Did I eat anything else that day? Yes. A pile of collard greens…five hours later.
All in all, the burger was good, and true to the name a real slayer. They also have some great local brews on tap, the one thing they don’t have is a SKELETON-WICH. To that end I have included what I think should, if not be immediately added to the menu, be run as a special the next time they play in Chi-town… the list of ingredients; ½ pound burger, white American cheese, whole wheat bun, jalapenos, weed, yellow rice doused with sriracha, the ketchup-ed blood of a virgin, and the souls of all those who don’t WORSHIP THE WITCH, and served with a Shirley Temple…because these boyz are classy.
Who would do such a thing ? Imagine a tiny little bee crying giant size tears and you’ll be imagining me as I flew down the sidewalk and below me found this sorry sorry site. sniffle. poor pizza.
What would you do? I did what anyone should, and called in Thu Tran, she did not look happy.
She made this face!
Die pizza waster!
Mr. Bee reporting. Bzzz.
