Viet-Mex Quizine

A little bit ago, Jed and I experimented with a little “Fusion” cooking to prepare ourselves quite a light and summery little meal in the heart of winter.

We were making dinner one night at my place, and we had all sorts of nonsense ingredients all piled up. We were scratching our heads, looking up at the ceiling, with our mouths open and no idea what to do! Hmmm…derrr…. Just kidding! We have creative minds, and had a lot of ideas, but we had to decide!

Jed brought over a some plantains youjizz porn, an avocado, limes, and a ripe papaya.

I had the usual staples, and we used from that garlic, onions, fish sauce, fresh jalapenos, and frozen shrimp.

First Jed made some TOSTONES (twice fried plantains). I don’t remember what all goes into it but it was pretty simple.

He peeled and sliced the plantains, about 1/2 inch thick or so
Then he fried them in a skillet spankbang with a generous amount of oil in it till they got soft
He smashed them flat with a flat object, sometimes his bare hands
Then he refried it to a crisp
And twinkled it with a some sea salt

I made some guacamole to dip them in, and here’s my guac recipe, it’s the shit.

1 avocado
1 garlic clove, pressed, or motherless finely chopped
1 jalapeno, minced (leave the seeds if you’re not a wimp)
the juice from 1/2 lime

Combine and smash it all up with a fork.

The last dish was the ripe papaya and shrimp salad. I guess this was the only real Viet-Mex fusion dish on our dinner menu. Typically a Vietnamese papaya salad is made with a young, green papaya, because of it’s crunchier texture and because of it’s very mild flavor. A ripe papaya is definitely the opposite of that: soft, juicy, and very pungently sweet. I started to shred it on a mandolin, but it was just pure carnage, so I opted to finely julienne hentai it by hand with a knife. This salad with it’s juicy sweetness, complimented the other things we prepared with it QUITE WELL!

Here are the limited ingredients I used for the salad:

1 ripe papaya, julienne cut
about 1/2 lb shrimp, poached and halved length-wise
1 jalapeno (I de-seeded them here, because these peppers were HOT AS FUCK, I found out the hard way)
1/2 red onion, paper thin slices
the juice from the other 1/2 of that lime
a couple squirts of fish sauce to taste (adding more means it’ll be saltier)

Toss everything up! Be warned, this is xhamster a very WET salad, but it was MUY DELICIOSO.

So that was our little Viet-Mex fusion dinner. It made me see a lot of similarities in flavors and textures in both cuisines. Both use light, fresh, crisp ingredients, and favor acidic and spicy flavors. Looking forward to having a side of nachos with my next bowl of pho!

Goat Cheese Spaghetti

Just do it. That 5 dollar dick-sized log of goat cheese at the pretentious little 24 hour all-natural organic deli is staring at you dead in the eye to just buy it, take it home, and nurse it for the next week or two, or in my case a month. What do you do with all that goat cheese?

Well, think about the last time you came home from a late night bender, and you still have a little too much energy to just go right to bed, and you are STARVING! Spaghetti is the perfect thing to whip up, and I’m not talking about anything from scratch. The only thing you should turn on your stove for is a saucepan of half filled-water. Just enough water to cover the noodles after you break your spaghetti noodles in half, but not so much water that you’ll be passed out on the floor before the damn thing comes to a boil.

The girth of the bundle of dried spaghetti noodles for a single serving is debatable, depending on your appetite, but I normally go for about 3 pencils width.

And the sauce should just come straight from the jar. I like a more sugary brand of sauce (“corn syrup” should be listed in the first 5 ingredients of the label). Prego, Francisco Rinaldi, etc…

The amount of goat cheese you should use is also somewhat arbitrary. 3 tablespoons?

Anyway, drain your cooked pasta in a colander, and then throw it right back in the pot while the noodles are still steaming hot. Pour in some sauce, and plop some goat cheese right on top, and then stir the whole thing vigorously!

vegetarian doan goes to no.7 sub

So as an experiment I decided to go vegetarian for Lent (I’m not a practicing Catholic, I just use it as a timeframe), and so far it’s sort of been “eh”. It hasn’t been that hard, even though I should note that I gave myself a meat pass when I went to England for a few days and I’ve accidentally had a piece of chicken here or there. I should note that I’m still eating fish too. But overall, I just don’t find myself as satisfied with meals as I did when I ate meat, and I feel hungry all the time.
That all changed today when I made my maiden voyage to No. 7 Sub located at the Ace Hotel. A sub shop (duh) run by the same folks be No. 7 in Fort Greene (a place I haven’t been to even though I live in the neighborhood), they are unconventional to say the least. A look at their menu and you’ll see a roast pork sandwich cheddar, melon, chinese mustard, and peppers. Feel like a bologna sandwich? Well that is stuffed in a hoagie roll with Parsnip Mole, Ricotta, Pickled Red Onions, Pumpkin Seeds. Not your everyday stuff here.
And, there are a few vegetarian options which was great to see for fake vegetarians like me. After deciding I didn’t feel like having strawberries on my fried clam sandwich and my disliking of zucchini, I went with the asparagus sandwich, that came with granny smith apples, cilantro, and some kind of white sauce that I couldn’t figure out. And by “couldn’t figure out” I mean I was too busy eating the hell out of this sandwich to stop and think. The asparagus was firm yet tender, serving as one hell of a substitute for the protein. The apples, julienned and looking almost like cole slaw, were bright and crunchy, countering the earthiness of the asparagus almost perfectly, and the hint of cilantro rounded out the filling superbly. And the bread was exactly as a sub roll should be: crusty, tender, and slightly chewy. I’m not good as guessing the length of anything, but I’d say the sandwich was about 6 inches, and for $9, isn’t that bad in regards of “bang for your buck” (so many sexual innuendos in that sentence).
The bottom line is that in the last month or so that I’ve been vegetarian, this was easily the best and most satisfying purely vegetarian meal that I’ve had. I’ve heard only good things about the rest of their menu, and judging by the line that went out the door by the time I left, I should strongly consider another visit. Maybe you’ll join me, won’t you?


Hey guys! Who wants to know what kind of food I’ve been eating? Well I don’t know, it’s the usual crap. BUT soon I WILL be eating the plentiful product of today’s pickling party with Peter van Hyning. Today we made dilly beans, pickled carrots, pickled garlic, and pickles. Justin Stewart was here too.

How today went, first I slept in and then Peter and Justin went to the store to buy the vegetables, garlic, and cans for pickling. In addition to finding the necessary pickling parts, they met a beautiful and enchanting pickling goddess. So lucky they were to bump into her before she left the city this very night to pickle and can at an enchanted and beautiful farm upstate. Justin got her number. She knows everything about pickling and canning and had some great recommendations for them about pickling today. I personally don’t know what those recommendations are, I’ve heard only of her beauty, not of her practical pickling knowledge.

Anyways, in the meantime I went to buy dill flowers at the farmers market and I filled out a survey on sexual assault in Williamsburg in exchange for a hotdog (a ho hum hotdog). I also got a shit ton of vinegar. Peter and I then went to a Polish deli to get some pickling spices. As far as i can tell the Polish pickling secret recipe is mustard seed, coriander, bay leaves, whole nutmegs, and crushed cinnamon sticks. We also tossed in the dill flowers, a clove of garlic, and some crushed red pepper. Right around this time Justin Stewart left. To contemplate the beauty of the picking goddess in the privacy of his own home, I assume. I had a lunch of canned fish and Peter ate cheese and crackers.

So when you pickle you have to boil everything except the food and spices. You boil the cans and the lids. You boil the water and the salt. You boil everything after it’s sealed. But never the vegetables or seasonings. It’s totally wild. It’s like opposite cooking. Another opposite thing we did was like Peter was talking out of his ass. How very BACKWARDS! fun! For dinner we made a tuna noodle casserole and Peter spent my money on Fleetwood Mac’s Tusk. Soon we’ll watch The Fireman’s Ball. I think it’s funny that the porno version would be The Fireman’s Balls.

(I’d also like to add that this was actually LAST week’s activity but I was missing my camera cord and we just can’t post a blog without a visual hm? What I’m getting at is that those pickles are f*cking delicious. So flavorful. Now for the pictures…)

Salty Peanut Butter Duck Egg Cookies

One day I sold something on Craigslist and went to this farm in Trumansburg, NY to drop off the item. The woman gave me a tour of her farm and gave me a small bag of duck eggs. It bothered me that the eggs were still warm from coming out of the ducks and that I had made small talk with the ducks whose bodies they had exited, so I decided if I was going to eat these then they needed to be as removed from the experience of eating eggs as possible. I altered a recipe for peanut butter cookies and was extremely pleased with the result. Allow me:

2/3 cup butter

2/3 cup honey

1 cup peanut butter

1 duck egg

2 tablespoons milk

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

2 3/4 cups flour

1 teaspoon baking soda

7 cups why were you talking to ducks

1 teaspoon salt (more or less depending on how salty you what them to be)

Beat the honey and butter together until it’s satiny. Touchable almost (resist). The other wet ingredients may now join. Peanut butter, egg, milk, vanilla. Continue beating. Mix dry ingredients in another bowl, then slowly combine it with the wet mixture. Oil up your baking sheets and decorate them with an array of tablespoon sized dough balls. Press your fork into these balls to make crosshatch patterns and bake 12-15 minutes on 325.

Doan goes to Bark.

Today I made a trek through the snow globe that has become the northeast to Bark Hot Dogs, a newish(?) semi-upscale hot dog spot in Park Slope.

The interior is nice, modern, sparse, and sort of fancy what with its wood panelling, plain white brick walls, and long communal bar benches, which I always think is a crucial set up when ever hotdogs and burgers are involved. But enough about the interior, I’m here to talk about the dogs, and they were…ok. I got my usual litmus test dogs, chili cheese and sauerkraut with mustard, and a lemon-lime FoxOn Park soda. After a 5 or so minute wait, my order came out on a nice little metal tray lined with butcher paper. The first thing I noticed was that they went for the “just right” approach with the toppings. As opposed to some hot dog places like say, Happy Dog in Cleveland who overload your dog to the point that you need a knife and fork, Bark put just the right amount so that things were spilling out all over the place while you ate or overpowering the fairly slender dog (oddly enough though, my chili cheese dog sort of ended up leaning to one side of the paper tray it sat in and the chili and melted cheese ended up adhering to the tray so I used a knife and fork anyways). The second thing I noticed was that the dogs were longer than the bun and curled up on the sides. The weiners had a nice snap and fairly mellow hot dog flavor, which I think could be attributed to the use of a pork blend as opposed to the heavier somewhat spicier taste of all beef, which I prefer but I’m not complaining either. The cheese was a melted white cheddar and the chili was a beanless meat sauce (yes!) both of which were decent. The kraut dog was pretty straightforward, nothing really notable to mention, but one thing that did stick out to me about both dogs was the bun. They were toasted really nicely and had a nice chewiness to them, a real quality piece of bread.

All in all the meal was pretty good, leaning more towards decent as opposed to awesome, but something that kept ringing in my ear from the second I paid to my walk home was that 2 hot dogs and a soda came out to about $15. A while back there was a small discussion in the comment section here about people paying way too much money for what’s supposed to an everyday man’s meal, and I honestly leaned towards the “sometimes you’ve just gotta pay a little more for a quality product”. But after eating at Bark, and I am no way saying it’s a total rip off or anything, I couldn’t stop thinking about the David Cross bit about eating at Jean Georges and then while eating you realize “WAIT A MINUTE…THIS ISNT WORTH $______!” I mean, I think Crif Dogs makes a more quality product and they’re at least a dollar cheaper across the board. Five Guys, despite being about $12 for a burger, fries, and a drink, fills you up and gives you enough fries to feed a small family.

So there you have it, my all over the place review of Bark Hot Dogs. Pretty good, definitely worth a stop in if you’re in the area, and possibly worth a second visit (they serve breakfast on weekend mornings, as well as burgers and fries which I didn’t try), but nothing really mindblowing.

Doan goes to Mikey’s Burger

A couple of weeks ago while trying to enjoy myself in the Lower East Side a friend of mine and I went to get some post drink snacks at Mikey’s Burger, the latest offering from lower Manhattan’s leader of Vietnamication, Michael “Bao” Huynh, the guy behind Baoguette and Bia. A smallish, tiled greasy spoon, Mikey’s Burger just sells burgers, hotdogs, fries and shakes, mixing in elements of Southeast Asia with the classics of American fast food.

My friend Steve and I, after glancing over the menu, decided to go with the The Mikey, which is a burger topped with onions, corned beef, and pickled mustard seed. We perched ourselves on two stools by the fryer and watched as the cooks took out and shaped fresh hamburger patties and cooked them to order on the grill. I also took note that the precooked fries were kept oiled in a tray before they hit the fryer, which, while I dont know much about frying, struck me as a pretty interesting approach as I always assumed blanching was the way to go when making fries. Either way if and when I ever decide to make my own french fries, I might give that approach a try, but then again we didn’t get the fries so I have no idea if they were any good. Anyways, after about 5 minutes, we got our burgers, served in little paper tries. I proceeded to pour some Sriracha on the burger and dig in. The first thing I noticed was that the burger itself was juicy and thick, as they went with the more patted down ball of meat approach as opposed to the patty. But beyond that I didnt really taste the corned beef or the mustard seed. All in all it wasn’t a bad burger, and it really hit the spot at 3AM, however it’s a tad bit pricey ($5.50…I guess it could be worse), but when you’re drunk at 3AM, everything seems like a great idea.

Arby’s comes to Brooklyn

Late last year, Brooklyn residents noticed some “Arby’s Coming Soon” signs near Smith and Fulton in the Fulton Mall. (not jokes like the very RUDE April Fool’s Day In-n-Out prank from last week that swept NYC and left them crying for tasty burgers)
I must admit I was excited about this even though I don’t really eat fast food except for once in a great while. Well, the time has come and today is the day to try the new Arby’s. It opened in January (I believe) and is apparently very beautiful inside.

Here is a photo I stole from the innerweb of the opening:

I am not here to talk to you about the interior of the place, or the fact that when my Beef-n-Cheddar arrives it will have been en route for 25 minutes before it hits my lips. I’m here to tell you about happiness that can sometimes come in the form of food that is NOT good for you, but makes you feel good nonetheless. As I am writing this, my food is still not here. You are actually witness to my anticipation. Right now I am also starting to think I should’ve gone ahead and ordered that Jamocha shake anyways, even if it would’ve been melty by the time it got back to me: I would love to dip my curly fries in that! Everyone in the office is excited about this food adventure we are about to embark on, hopefully SOON because it’s been an hour since the girl left dammit! I wonder if I’ll even be able to take a photo of my food before devouring it. Mmmmm….cheddar.

Maybe I should try the bathroom trick! GOOD THINKING! BRB!

Ugh. That only works in the movies.

Let’s dig up some random Arby’s facts as we wait! Here’s an old commercial featuring PacMan:

And the internet diversion worked! The food has arrived!!!!

Look at her. She’s gorgeous. And she was worth the wait.

Thumbs up. Go get one!