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Did you know there is an enormous, cosmopolitan city, with a rich heritage, dynamic culture, and distinctive character, two hours south of New York? That this city was actually more important than New York and the epicenter of culture in this country once upon a time? And that, as with any proud city, it has it’s own share of unique culinary wonders as well? Well I speak the truth! It’s Philadelphia folks!
I ventured down through the “Garden State” to the “City of Brotherly Love” this weekend to visit Ms. Lauren Gutierrez, who has taken residence there. I was joined by some other CIA chums as well, and we had a grand ole’ time. We saw the sights, spent some time in the woods at a swimming hole, drank copious amounts of alcohol and most importantly, ATE FOOD.
Philadelphia, like many cities, has it’s share of delights and delicacies that hold a special place in the hearts of it’s citizens. Kansas City has barbeque, Chicago has it’s hot dogs and deep dish, and Baltimore has it’s crab cakes, but this city never seemed to let up on new and exciting local fare. So let me share with you some of the more revered items.
First we will start with the Wawa. Wawa is Philadelphia’s “go to” establishment for something quick and something cheap. It is a convenience store, sandwich shop, sometimes gas station, and always a place to find things a Philadelphian would like. Wawa specializes in the “hoagie” sandwich. Some may call this a “sub” or a “grinder”, but in southeastern Pennsylvania you call it a hoagie damnit. When one orders a hoagie at a Wawa there is no need to rattle off your choice of meats, toppings, and bread to a trained “sandwich artist”. They are busy. So they have provided a computer for you to plug in the specifics for yourself. You have plenty of time and the options are there right in front of you, so you can make sure to make the right choices. Do you want a “shorti” or a “classic”? “Lotta mayo” or just “light on the mayo” Take your time.
We were fortunate to be at a Wawa during a special time of year, the great summer solstice celebration called “Hoagiefest“.
Once you have ordered your hoagie of choice, it’s time to compliment your main course. Perhaps you would like a Tastykake for dessert? Or maybe just some Peanut Chews?
Both are local and quite good. Tastykakes come in a variety of flavors and types. I bought a variety, including peach, blueberry, lemon, strawberry, and their famous Butterscoth Krimpets. When we came home drunk and dove into the cakes at 2am, people seemed to like each and every one of them. Great job Tastykake!!
As for the Peanut Chews, it’s peanuts in a chewy dark chocolate and molasses mix. They are quite good.
Need a beverage? Go with the Yuengling.
I should note that this meal would make your stomach ache, so maybe save the candy for later and just eat an apple or some chips on the side. 
So, is Wawa the only place to get local Philly fare? Christ no people! There are plenty of other places!! Ever heard of the Reading Terminal Market?
This market is an enormous public market on the street level of the old Reading Terminal rail station in Center City Philadelphia. The terminal itself has quite an imposing edifice and ginormous train shed that is now part of the Philly’s convention center. But on the ground floor it is all about food! Hoagies, steaks, fish, meats, cheese, confections, produce, breads – you name it. And plenty of lunch counters and take-out shops for the downtown lunch crowd. Lauren directed me to this ice cream counter called Bassetts for a delicious cone of peach ice cream. She chose the raspberry truffle, and they were both quite good. Bassetts has been around since 1861 apparently, which gives it the distinction of being America’s OLDEST ice cream company! COOL! Philadelphia’s other famous, slighty younger ice cream mainstay is of course Breyer’s ice cream. But that shit is made by Unilever now, and they are a soap company. So fuck Breyer’s. Bassetts!!
On our way out we spotted a woman making chocolate covered strawberries and stopped to watch. We then noticed a variety of other chocolate items. Like chocolate noses and chocolate rats!
And of course, chocolate cheesesteaks!!
When we were at last all together and everyone had convened at Lauren’s home, Mr. Chris Duffy began to mix together a number of spirits and fruit juices to make a beverage befitting the history and honor of Philadelphia. He had done his research and found a recipe for a punch named Fish House Punch. I will let this equally poorly written wikipedia entry handle this one:
This most venerable of American flowing bowls is held to have been first concocted in 1732 at Philadelphia’s fishing club, the Schuylkill Fishing Company also known as the “Fish House”. The Fish House was an august gentleman’s society devoted to escaping domestic tribulation, but also to cigars, whiskey and the occasional fishing foray upon the Chesapeake or the Restigouche River in Nove Scotia. Another version states that it was created in 1848 by Shippen Willing of Philadelphia, to celebrate the momentous occasion of women being allowed into the premises of the “Fish House” for the first time in order to enliven the annual Christmas Party . It was supposed to be just something to please the ladies’ palate but get them livelier than is their usual wont.
This punch — containing rum, cognac, and peach brandy— is potent, so to bring it down it is normally diluted with cold black tea, a common mixer for this particular punch, or with seltzer water, for a bit of fizz. Some punch bowls may not be big enough to accommodate the large size ice block called for, and though the block is a classic part of this recipe, it can, of course, be simply served in a pitcher over ice cubes.
There is even a verse!
There’s a little place just out of town,
Where, if you go to lunch,
They’ll make you forget your mother-in-law
With a drink called Fish-House Punch.
The punch was quite tasty with a very tart lemon aftertaste. He put about 15 lemons in it. We all got quite drunk from it. Philadelphia! Will it ever end!?
By now it had become late, and it was time to dine out for dinner. We went to a really great place in Chinatown called “Vietnam“. Yes, like the country. They had quite an extensive food menu and a great cocktail menu as well. We all had our own exotic tropical drinks. I had the Navy Grog.
I had always seen it on the menu of a Chinese restaurant I went to as a kid and figured “what the hell”. Their Navy Grog was a blend of Rum, Campari, Crème De Cassis, Myers’s Rum, Sour Mix and Fruit Juice. Actual “Grog” has quite a history apprently, and you can read about it here! It’s not just a music venue folks!
The Navy Grog was quite good.
Some folks had Mai Tai’s and Erika had a beer which she put a cherry into for some reason, but Chris and Jocelyn shared the FLAMING VOLCANO. This restaurant billed the drink as a “Fantastic Drink for Passion Lovers.” and it contained Rum, Vodka, Gin, Brandy, Grenadine, Bacardi 151 and Fruit Juice. And live flames.
The food was very good as well. I had the crispy duck, and there were a variety of soups and rice dishes eaten. Everyone had a pleasant time.
The next morning we all had to eat again! (ACTUAL fact: In order to sustain life, one must consume food.) Lauren made some delicious scrambled eggs and potatoes. We had a “Box O’ Joe” from Dunkin Donuts, and I fried up another Philly classic: Scrapple.
Scrapple is “traditionally a mush of pork scraps and trimmings combined with cornmeal and flour, often buckwheat flour and spices” It is fried in slices in a pan, and served with breakfast in place of sausage or bacon. It is distinctive to the southeast PA region and Maryland, and parts of Virginia. I hail from Cincinnati, and we have a local dish that is similar in composition to Scrapple called Goetta. I think Goetta is quite tasty, but I cannot say the same for Scrapple. I had some at a diner the day before with Lauren and was not really taken with it. It was too mushy, and pasty, and the flavor was lacking on many fronts. I figured, maybe they just didn’t do it right! They cooked it too little! The slice was too thick! I can improve on this! So when we stopped at the ACME grocery store I picked up a package to make myself. I made sure to cut thinner slices this time, and cook it up homemade. Ryan, Lauren and I tried it all over again, and….it still sucked! Scrapple: not that good!
We spent the day at the swimming hole in the woods jumping from high ledges into freezing cold water. Ryan and some teenage boys oversaw the construction of a dam that was meant to plug the constant jet of water flowing down the creek. The project was a mixed success.
When we got home we were all hungry again. Can you fucking believe that shit? Honestly. We needed something hot, delicious, quick, and PURE PHILADELPHIA. What oh what could we eat?
CHEESESTEAK
Now, cheesesteaks are famous around the world as a Philadelphia specialty. Most tourists who visit Philly in order to sample this dish head straight down past the Italian Market (which is America’s oldest outdoor market) in South Philly to either Pat’s King of Steaks or Geno’s Steaks. Here they can get a steak slathered with the infamous “whiz“. Like the ubiquitous chili parlor in Cincinnati, or hot dog joint in Chicago, so Philadelphia goes with the steak joints. The town has plenty of lesser known, but locally revered steak places where the tourists and the blazing neon are not there to distract and diminish. Lauren lived just down the street from one such place, and it is called Dalessandros. The first thing you learn in ordering is that they are just called “steaks” by Philadelphians, no need to say “cheese”. Why? Because there are plenty of ways to eat one! Maybe you don’t want cheese! In fact, the idea that the only way to eat a steak is with cheez whiz is total bullshit. It’s just sick sick propaganda from the Pat’s and Geno’s people, whose “rivalry” I liken to a mutual agreement that it’s great business for both parties. Just UNbelievable.
I had my steak with provolone because it’s actually cheese and it’s better. I had onions, mayo and steak, with hot peppers on the side. Erika had mushrooms. I think Lauren had banana peppers? And nobody had American cheese or “whiz”. They were deliciouso!
Everyone seemed to have a really nice weekend in Philadelphia, and Lauren was a wonderful host. Thanks Lauren! As for local food, there are a few other local specialties I will have to try upon visiting Philadelphia the next time. Frank’s Soda, and Water Ice are two. But fear not Philly, we will meet again.
What is “chipmeal” you might ask yourself? It is something very special. Lately, my boyfriend and I have been very into eating at a little Mexican place in Greenpoint called PAPACITO’S! I love their anjito pork chimichanga burrito and their chorizo tostadas and Danny B only orders one thing at this place : NACHOS. The great thing about the nachos at this place is, along with being topped with a wide array of fresh vegitalia and a good homemade salsa, the cheese on it is NACHO cheese, (the kind the comes from a can and stays a perfect velvety liquid forever), and a good amount of it as well. This cheese normally comes in cans like this:
There are various reasons why making nachos with this sort of cheese is superior to using fresh shredded jack/cheddar/whatever cheese. One main reason why shredded cheese SUX is that it tends to “glue” the chips together after the nachos are not warm anymore creating one big clumpy mess. How annoying. The AWESOME thing about nacho cheese sauce is, after awhile, the chips get soggy in a very beautiful and amazing way. Letover nachos start to become more and more analogous and homogenized, as some sort of chemical reaction occurs with the cheese sauce and the tortilla chips, creating a whole new food that I like to call “CHIPMEAL”. It’s like oatmeal, except nacho flavored.
Which leads me to “Prison Eggs,” one of the few dishes that Danny B actually cooks. It’s called “prison eggs” because it looks like caricatured version of what prison food might looks like. A more pretentious name for it might be “Aged Mexican and Egg Risotto, with Nacho Béchamel.” Looks and sounds very appetizing right?
Basically, it is leftover Mexican food medley, (in this case it is a combo of Danny B’s leftover nachos and my leftover soyrizo rice and beans), fried with eggs. Once the eggs enter your frying pan, you are to STIR almost the entire time until the eggs are cooked. Danny B really likes to stir the shit out of things “to make sure it gets cooked all the way.” The eggs get super mushy in the rice creating a lovely sludge texture. Here I am enjoying my meal. It was really great actually! Thank you!
Love, Thu
A few weeks after my birthday, a couple of my friends came into town, Scotty and Derrick (AKA Mullet Chad, AKA Mungee, AKA Derrick witch, AKA Nu Metal Craig). They are in a really great metal band called SKELETONWITCH; Derrick plays drums, and Scotty plays guitar. They also brought their friend Andrew with them, who owns a super awesome record store in Athens Ohio called, Haffas. Of course they didn’t come all the way to Chicago just to see me; they had a busy schedule of friends and events lined up around the block. The first big ticket item on their list was seeing CRADLE OF FILTH on Friday night. The next morning I had an unexpected (but not unwanted) day off, so I caught up with them at Scotty’s sister Stacy and our pal Moustache Derrick’s place around 11. I was just in time to see them shake off their hangovers and hitch a ride with them to Kuma’s Corner. As with many of Chicago’s institutions I had NEVER heard of it. It’s a pretty unassuming place at first glance; some wood paneling and some tee shirts, some ink drawings of leather-clad-blood-soaked-biker-chicks, the menu written on a chalk board above the grill. One look at the menu though and the truth is revealed. Kuma’s has all kinds of standard bar stuff: sandwiches and fries, some ribs an obligatory salad, etc. BUT the real excitement is their Metal themed burgers. There’s the MOTORHEAD, THE LAIR OF THE MINOTAUR, the CLUTCH (which has almost nothing but cheese on it) and the JUDAS PREIST (which has walnuts, blue cheese, cranberries etc… and is the GAYEST item on the menu while still being a burger).They even had a monthly special called the “Bleepin’ Blago-wich” which is: a burger topped with American cheese, yellow mustard, fried baloney and served on two grilled cheese sandwiches made with wonder bread (the price was negotiable).
I opted for the SLAYER, which is: a ½ pound burger served on a bed of fries, topped with chili, andouille sausage, jalapenos, cherry peppers, mozzarella cheese, and anger.
Did I finish it? Yes. Did I eat anything else that day? Yes. A pile of collard greens…five hours later.
All in all, the burger was good, and true to the name a real slayer. They also have some great local brews on tap, the one thing they don’t have is a SKELETON-WICH. To that end I have included what I think should, if not be immediately added to the menu, be run as a special the next time they play in Chi-town… the list of ingredients; ½ pound burger, white American cheese, whole wheat bun, jalapenos, weed, yellow rice doused with sriracha, the ketchup-ed blood of a virgin, and the souls of all those who don’t WORSHIP THE WITCH, and served with a Shirley Temple…because these boyz are classy.
Who would do such a thing ? Imagine a tiny little bee crying giant size tears and you’ll be imagining me as I flew down the sidewalk and below me found this sorry sorry site. sniffle. poor pizza.
What would you do? I did what anyone should, and called in Thu Tran, she did not look happy.
She made this face!
Die pizza waster!
Mr. Bee reporting. Bzzz.
Look what I ate today! It’s a falafel bacon cheese sandwich. The inspiration for this was the concept of a “Middle Eastern Burger,” which would basically be a cheeseburger, except with a falafel patty instead of a hamburger patty, and with basic burger toppings, like bacon, american cheese, tomato, and whatever. This was also made with my very first attempt at making my own falafel. I had some mixed results, but the overwhelming flavor was totally decent, and even delicious. So first I googled “falafel recipe” and the first thing that came up was this link:
http://mideastfood.about.com/od/maindishes/r/falafelrecipe.htm
I assumed that normally whatever is the first on the google list is the best. The recipe they gave me was this:
Prep Time: 15 minutes
Cook Time: 1 hours, 45 minutes
Ingredients:
- 1 cup dried chickpeas or 16 oz. can of chickpeas or garbanzo beans.
- 1 large onion, chopped
- 2 cloves of garlic, chopped
- 3 tablespoons of fresh parsley, chopped
- 1 teaspoon coriander
- 1 teaspoon cumin
- 2 tablespoons flour
- Salt
- Pepper
- Oil for frying
Preparation:
Place dried chickpeas in a bowl, covering with cold water. Allow to soak overnight. Omit this step if using canned beans.
Drain chickpeas, and place in pan with fresh water, and bring to a boil.
Allow to boil for 5 minutes, then let simmer on low for about an hour.
Drain and allow to cool for 15 minutes.
Combine chickpeas, garlic, onion, coriander, cumin, salt and pepper (to taste) in medium bowl. Add flour.
Mash chickpeas, ensuring to mix ingredients together. You can also combine ingredients in a food processor. You want the result to be a thick paste.
Form the mixture into small balls, about the size of a ping pong ball. Slightly flatten.
Fry in 2 inches of oil at 350 degrees until golden brown (5-7 minutes).
Serve hot.
I used canned chickpeas because it was faster, and used a ton of fresh parsley, but didn’t have any coriander, and used a hand blender. My patties actually ended up a little muushy, which probably resulted from the amount of water absorbed in the canned chickpeas, and also the use of a mechanic blender made the texture very fine. To modify this recipe, I might add an extra tablespoon of flour and maybe muush the chickpeas by hand next time.
Here is what my paste looked like:
I used Polish rolls as the buns, because it was freshly and cheaply and closely available. I also used a horseradish apple sauce as a spread on the sandwich, which RULED. Also on the sandwich was a slice or pressed bacon lunch meat, one slice of American cheese, sliced tomatoes and cucumbers, and…. hummus.
Earlier in this blog when I called these sandwiches “totally decent” I was really selling them short. They were actually VERY GOOD! BUT, I need to up my falafel game, for sure. Here I am with the Coker sisters enjoying these delicious sandwiches. Despite my miserable expressions, I am actually having quite a ball!
Afterwards, I fell into a food coma and enjoyed the latest ULINE catalogue!! The End!
