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This is a little love note to all the dumpster diving, freegan, gray water using kids out there, doing their stinky shameless best to use up all of the crap businesses throw out everyday. This takes a special sort of diligence and commitment to ideals to proudly and prosperously live off of other peoples less than perfect garbage. And it takes balls to have a bake sale, and make all of the pastries out of dumpster dived food..
but it takes extra big balls to make dumpster dived pastries in the shape of cat shit, and laugh and take peoples money in exchange for them.
The recipe for these is just a chocolate no bake cookie, rolled into a log shape, and then rolled in granulated sugar. Besides being delicious , these prove that basically anything can be a turd if it’s brown and you roll it into a log shape. These were a lovely treat after a night of videos and beer, and all of the proceeds went to Odd Obsessions Video, which is an independently owned video store that operates like a co-op, being run almost entirely by volunteers, and specializing in weird, out of print , and cult favorites. Check them out today!
I met the doughnut shop of my dreams a couple weeks ago in Portland Oregon. It’s called Voodoo Doughnuts.
I went here late night one Wednesday with Chris Duffy to find bums, musicians, Scion reps, teens, all hanging out like a big cloud around the front of the shop.
Inside, it’s decorated like a big weird dougnut shrine, with a bunch of artifacts and fun crap. It’s pretty packed with crap. Also as we were waiting in line, some sort of drunk drama was unfolding before us as some girl waiting in line flirted with some dude who apparently was not her boyfriend, who stormed in seconds later to pull her out of the line. At the time that we went, this Voodoo Doughnut was staffed by very cute and pierced and punky black t-shirted teens.
The doughnut selection itself is every bratty 12 year old’s dream come true. Doughnuts here are topped with captain crunch, froot loops, cocoa puffs, dubble bubble gum, marshmallows, crispy bacon, etc… They are flavored by sprinkling various flavors of powdered kool-aid and tang and nestea on top, which is totally brilliant by the way. And they are variably shaped like giant penises, huge blunts, playfully tortured voodoo dolls, sloppy chunks, and of course like a doughnut. On their online menu, they definitely had once offered doughnuts glazed in pepto-bismal and nyquil.
The doughnut I went for that evening was the “GRAPE APE.” The secret ingredient here was definitely a thin layer of powdered grape kool-aid delicately coating the icing on top. This doughnut blew my mind. It tasted exactly how a grape doughnut would taste: sugary, yeasty, grape aftertaste. I’ll be coming back for more.
Hi guys! This weekend I found myself in Los Angeles again, for one day, and we stopped at the most charming little hot dog place before leaving for the airport to go to Lake Tahoe for a Yoga/Music Festival. Let me get back to talking about these hot dogs.
Actually before that, I can try to give you a little background on this place. Scheid and Chris Duffy breifly mentioned before we got here that this aparently had been a really hot spot for rowdy drunks to go to after attending punk and hardcore shows at nearby clubs. It was common catchphrase at some point after a rowdy show to say “see ya at oki dog’s”.
After some mild googling, I learned that the “oki dog” was invented by an Okinawan, named Sakai “Jimmy” Sueyoshi, who moved to America in the 70s, and eventually opened up a hot dog stand to make a dollar. It was open late and located near Hollywood nightclubs and featured a signature dish: a burrito filled with 2 hotdogs, pastrami, and chili cheese. This is exactly what you want when you are sweaty and wasted, right? He is so smart. You can read more about the history here.
Anyway, we went on a hot afternoon, for most of us including me, this was my first meal of the day, so it was a little intimidating. I love this menu so hard, because everything about it rules.
I went for the Oki Dog with a Pepsi, one of the more intense breakfasts I’ve ever had. The Oki Dog seriously looked at me in the face with its hotdog EYES and laughed at me with its pastrami LIPS as I bit into it. I looked at it back straight in its eyes, and it still intimidated me. I felt fear for one of the few times in my life at the fact that my food was looking back at me, staring me down like a champion heavyweight contender, and winning. It beat me, too. I only made it halfway through. I left with my head hanging down, defeated. I’ll be back for a rematch next chance I get.
Oh, and for one more dollar, you can get french fries comparable in quality and quantity to the ones from the Dirty O in Pittsburgh. Except krispier.
I liked this sign on the wall telling you what is in an Oki Dog. PS, you’re eating 3 variations of meat at once. Check out MUST tard. And the smily faces. And the creative spelling. And the penmanship of this sign totally belongs to someone who is constantly saying “Fuck Yeah!!” to himself in his head :
I realized in no other city do I enjoy hot dogs more than I do in Los Angeles. Not a nathan’s hot dog, a papaya dog, a hot dog from Steve’s in Cleveland, a coney from Skyline in Cincinatti, compare to these LA street dogs. The night before going to Oki Dog’s, before going to bed, I had a very sinful eating experience. I wandered around looking for snack around 230 am and saw a lady selling delicious hotdogs from a little push cart very similar to the ones I had outside of The Smell last year. These big dogs are grilled, wrapped in bacon, topped with grilled peppers and onions, and ketchup, mustard and MAYO!! I thanked her graciously and brought it back to my hotel room and ate it in bed.
I’m taking what I hope will continue as a yearly summer work session in sunny western PA. The worst thing about western PA is the food. It is so glutenous. Western Pennsylvanian cuisine was founded in Ranch Dressing and built around wings and chicken -n- dumplings. Then it was wrapped in ham and cheescake and deep fried. OMG it is stupid delicious. My most recent wild grease consumption was with the Pittsburgh Pizza League at their #1 hang spot, Vincent’s Pizza, an establishment with great signage and great pizzas that you can eat with a spoon.
little kitty cat hands!
holding a pizza dough cloud with two sticks
Phil and Brett put on their pizza muscles
a pile of pizza
and here is a video of the saucy, wet Vinnie pie fresh out of the oven. after we finished this pizza, some chose to soak their crusts in the leftover lakes and rivers of red red greasy pizza leavings. mmm. accidental dr. pepper plug. but you know what i like dr p so it stays in.
This isn't what I made, but it's similar.
Or should that be “Nachos: It’s What’s For Lunch”?
Anyways, prior to actually getting lunch today, I got the munchies and looked around to see what I had. And what I had was one bag of Corazonas Heart Healthy Hint of Lime Whole Grain tortilla chips. Don’t ask. I’ve snacked on these a couple of times on their own, and while they’re ok, they just aren’t tasty enough to legitimately snack on. But then it hit me: we have american cheese in the fridge. And a microwave next to the fridge.
And there you have it. I had some nachos before lunch. The melted american cheese made the Corazonas 10x’s better and I ate the whole thing in about 2 minutes. But this got me thinking: why don’t more people eat nachos for lunch? Is it because it’s “unhealthy”? Or is it because it looks shitty and unhealthy (melted american cheese isnt the prettiest of the melted cheeses)? But come on, I mean, it’s totally easy and totally cheap.
That’s it. I’m still wondering why.
Oh and in case you didn’t know, May is National Burger Month. Act accordingly.
